You all owe me money
It wasn't two months.
It actually sucked. The quasi-boyfriend and I had the talk and decided to end it early this week.
He's a wonderful guy. He's smart and funny and sarcastic and brilliant and has great friends. He connects with me on a sexual level, and knows just how to push all of my buttons.
But I didn't feel the hearts and stars and romantic interest I crave. I tried to ride it out, see if it would come..
but it wasn't fair to either of us that I intensly disliked when he showed me affection. I just couldn't envision us together in the long run, and that made the short run harder.
I miss him already, but know we did the right thing. After an EARTH-SHATTERING goodbye fuck, we're trying to remain friends. So far it seems ok. Somehow I think going to a fetish night at a club might not be the best idea for that, though.
I told him that at some point, when I thought our feelings were out of it, casual sex was a real possibility. He said that probably wouldn't happen because i'm going to find someone to give me my hearts and stars and they will scoop me up.
I really hope so. But for some reason, I doubt it.
xoxox
~e
It actually sucked. The quasi-boyfriend and I had the talk and decided to end it early this week.
He's a wonderful guy. He's smart and funny and sarcastic and brilliant and has great friends. He connects with me on a sexual level, and knows just how to push all of my buttons.
But I didn't feel the hearts and stars and romantic interest I crave. I tried to ride it out, see if it would come..
but it wasn't fair to either of us that I intensly disliked when he showed me affection. I just couldn't envision us together in the long run, and that made the short run harder.
I miss him already, but know we did the right thing. After an EARTH-SHATTERING goodbye fuck, we're trying to remain friends. So far it seems ok. Somehow I think going to a fetish night at a club might not be the best idea for that, though.
I told him that at some point, when I thought our feelings were out of it, casual sex was a real possibility. He said that probably wouldn't happen because i'm going to find someone to give me my hearts and stars and they will scoop me up.
I really hope so. But for some reason, I doubt it.
xoxox
~e
posted by erica looking at 2:01 PM
9 Comments:
Hey, I like listening to your voice, so I hope you keep audioblogging... :)
My own experience is that you need to love yourself (I don't mean rubbing one out) and then you'll be able to accept love. Until I felt worthy of affection, it made me uncomfortable. At some point, that goes away and you get the hearts and stars and all that crazy fabulous stuff.
On the other hand, I still have my twisted online identity where I imagine I'm shrunken to doll size and used as a sex toy by a beautiful, sexy, creative and adventurous woman like yourself. But that's a whole other story.
The naked cock was good, though, right???
Glad to hear the report. It is really shocking. You're one goofed up girl with an excitement complex/sex addiction/self esteem issues.
You're rather dangerous and I would never touch you with a ten foot pole (or bare cock)
Absolutely shocking!
Please get help.
oh, my GOD, some people need to lighten up.
anyway, i'm really glad that you figured out the 'problems' with the relationship and you're working on being good friends with him. you've had a rough year, so good for you in sticking up for what's best for you.
my experience is that you'll find someone really, really great - a soulmate - when you aren't looking. BOOM ... there it is, and you'll know what to do with it when it comes to you.
glad you're back blogging. i hope.
Laura
I'd take my $20 now!
I've dated a girl like you before. It was fun and we had great sex. But there was something wrong. She is bi-polar and didn't take her meds. She couldn't have a "Normal" relationship with anyone or anything, until she was back on her meds. You and her are identical with your outlook on life and desires. I am sorry to get so serious, but I'd take that 20 now!
John
Toby misses the point completely. If a person is not at peace with ones self, either on medication or not, they cannot have a normal relationship at all. It is not a knock at anyone with BP disorders. It is kinda like you can run from it, but you can't hide. It is always lurking around the corner. Until you fix yourself, you can't move on.
By the way "sensitive boy" If I hurt your feelings, Don't cry! I am sorry. Do you have BP?
Dear readers -
I'm not bi-polar. only real diagnosises I have are ADD, occasional situational depression, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I'm actually quite sane. Maybe overfeeling, and apt to let situations affect me chemically (ie, some things going bad, I actually become chemically depressed, take some prozac and then BAM i'm good again), but overall sane.
I feel worthy of affection. I DO love and feel at peace with myself. I actually feel like the move in this relationship was healthy and empowering.
I had a 2 month relationship during which I was faithful, honest, and completely true in my communications and feelings. That's somewhat new for me. It felt good.
I feel like I can do it again, and it will be even easier and better when I feel those hearts and stars and fluttering soul -
Thanks for the pop psychology insight people. It's a blog ferfuckssake.
Damn right, E! This is a sex blog, not a psychiatry class. Everyone spouting their theories of your psyche should give it a rest.
Now please have a lesbian threesome, with audio-blogged excerpts, and post photos. Thank you.
-some dude
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