An open letter to the staff at the hospital Sunday night.

Dear intake paperwork nurse: I don’t know why you acted surprised when someone came stumbling into your little glass walled enclosure, slurring their speech and mumbling about taking too many pills and not wanting to die… but you really should try harder to cover your reaction.

Doctor: I know you have taken an oath to support and protect life, and you probably spend most of your days helping people who didn’t try to hurt themselves - who were sick through no fault of their own – but you really should hide your disdain for me JUST a little bit. I changed my mind – I didn’t want to die… I came for help.

To the amateur vampire phlebotomist: Every time I donate blood the tech practically salivates at how easy my veins are to find. No one has ever had a problem, yet you had to stick my arm twice and the top of my hand 3 times before you could seat the frigging IV shunt. I am now EXTREMELY bruised and was in discomfort all night. Go back to school and learn the art of needle sticking properly.

To the makers of charcoal for oral administration. After tasting and choking down 12 ounces of that black paste, I almost changed my mind about wanting to live. Invest in some flavoring.

To the people who make the adhesives on the backs of the little 3M moitoring pads – do you really have to make it industrial strength? 5 days later I’m still trying to scrub it off my skin. And even nail polish remover won’t cut it.

To the psych nurse and ward, thank you for your concern, but your inability to understand the fact that I can’t just disappear for a weeks voluntary stay at an inpatient treatment center did not make my night any easier. I know you were just covering your asses, but come on.

And thank you, to my monsterously jealous, just as crazy as I am, vindictive boyfriend. It hurt so bad to have you realize I lied to you, even though you lied to me, 1000 times worse and more often.
But you know, I swallowed those pills because I didn’t want to conceive of life without you. I still don’t. It’s crazy, I know – but we’re both getting help and treatment. Let’s make it work. I love you.

Butt Loving

I had the best anal sex of my life last night!!!

The boy and I had been watching porn and working each other up almost all night. While he went out to run an errand, I got gussied up in my new pale blue lace garter belt with white fishnet stockings and a white nightie.

First we spent about 45 minutes playing on the couch. I tugged his cock and licked his balls. I played with his asshole and licked and sucked it till he moaned. I played with myself while I sucked him.

Every time I asked him if I could fuck him yet, he kept saying, NO it feels too good, please keep going…

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. Remembering his favorite porn clips I lubed up his cock, faced away from him and squatted slowly impaling myself on his hard cock. His cock felt sooooo good sliding into me and I made sure to tell him that.

I reached down and played with his balls while he got used to the feeling, and then he pulled me back to lay on top of him while he kissed my neck and massaged my tits and thrust in and out of me.

Then I would bounce my ass up and down, fast and short strokes, then slowly slide it all the way in and almost out again.

I came soooooo many time and sooooo hard- and I’m horny again today.

Just thought you might like to know!

hi.

Only in my world.

It sucks soooo bad when you want something SOOOOO much that you see what you want to see.

Turns out he’s not really the hearts and stars, and everything I ever wanted, he’s actually a con-artist and a pathological liar. And I fell for it.

I signed a lease. I ran all my credit cards up to the max. All the utilities are in my name. They are approximately 2000 behind.

I loved him. I gave him everything. I cooked, I cleaned, I babied. I coddled, I tolerated. I overlooked.

I wore blinders.

Over the last two weeks I’ve caught him lying to me MAJORLY two times – once regarding the status of the rent on our house being paid, and once regarding where he’d been all night when he called at 9:15 and said he was on his way home and then didn’t pick up his phone or call until nearly 1:30 am.

He said he was arrested and his parents bailed him out. I spoke with his parents. They had no idea what I was talking about.

He changed his story and said it was his ex-girlfriend’s brother, but he didn’t have bail paperwork to show me.

Then last week I snooped.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Found:
1. Bail paperwork, for exactly the offense and the story he told me for last week – but dated 2003.
2. dossier from his lawyer for said case, detailing how he wasn’t possibly driving the car that night as he was actually in the process of being committed for suicidal thoughts and bipolar disorder. History also showed being committed for the same thing 2 times previously.
3. a marriage license dated 2001 for someone he claimed he’d just “co-signed a loan for”
4. As far as I can tell unfiled divorce paperwork for that same woman


I’m going to pull a sneak maneuver. I’m going to move out during the middle of the day while he’s at work. I’m going to bail on the lease, hoping his father, who cosigned with us will pick up the slack.

My only question is –
Do I confront him with it and just get more lies?
Do I stage an intervention? Including his family?

I honestly believe he is sick and needs medication. I also honestly know I can’t change him.

One month left to pretend I don’t know all that aweful shit.

Here I go.