goodbye ridiculously shady apartment. Goodbye instant quality ass.

So I’m packing my apartment up.

Long story short – I have a ‘ridiculously shady apartment.’

When NoFan and I broke up back in April, I had moved to my cousin’s apartment in the hills of NH. A friend of a friend who works in the biz of moving large quantities of illicit substances suddenly offered…

He had an apartment he had leased in order to house the goods, and would I like to live there (rent-free) to make it look inhabited? It was the biggest pain in the ass to actually get the keys and moved in, but I did that in the beginning of June.

This weekend I came back from NH to a message from my ‘landlord’ telling me we needed to talk. Apparently things aren’t going so well for him, he can’t afford the place and needs to sublet it. He wants to lease it for September 1. This was 8 days notice.

I have no ability to say anything except thank you for letting me live here rent free for almost 3 months, but, to tell the truth, had I known I would have to turn around and vacate, I wouldn’t have bothered.

So, I’ve been packing and closing down my life here in beantown. Last night I had the grand finale sionara with my ascotw. Drinks at my walking distance bar, then a long sexual walk home.

Turns out I’m not the only one who bestows clever nicknames upon my conquests. I knew I was bjq for blowjob queen. But I had NO IDEA of the other hysterical name he’d developed for me. Apparently I am also ‘elizabeth grady.’ It required a bit of explaining, but here in Boston, Elizabeth Grady is the salon most famous for FACIALS.

I pinned him to the wall in the elevator and threw the switch to stop it. Clothes ripping, sucking passion. It was so funny to be on my knees in the elevator, member in my mouth and hear him say ‘MY GOD, ERICA YOU ARE SOOOO FUN! When is the next time I will have the chance to get a bj in an elevator?’

Ms. NicholeKidmanesque had asked earlier if she could watch us on webcam. So we put on a little show. HOT HOT HOT. A very interesting part of the evening… and then, out came the handcuffs, and the spanking commenced.

Always like a porn star with that one, I tell you. Many drunken revelations. Great time overall. Except he passed the fuck out, and I got little of the trademark all night cuddles I am so used to with him. Oh well. Good thing he has two days on the great couch surfing tour of the next two weeks.

And as he’s walking out the door this morning, he says ‘Goodbye ridiculously shady apartment!’

One Uhaul, coming up

Someone remind me why I’m awake at 6:00 am?

Oh yeah, because Nichole Kidman Lookalike just left to go and take care of her dog. I peeked out from under sleepy eyelids to find her quietly gathering her things. Her clothes were strewn about the floor. Too bad she couldn’t find the underwear I’d flung somewhere last night. Finally I got up and helped.

She tucked herself back into her smooth red panties and bra while I smiled sleepily. Before she could get her shirt on, I bounded up, and landed a kiss right between her tits, saying, ‘before you put those things away…’

We drank last night. Even though I’m sick. Oh right, I hadn’t yet reported. Tuesday while I was out painting suddenly an elephant sat on my chest. Or so it felt. I spent the evening sick and nursing Theraflu. Congestion, cough, stuffed nose, sneezes.

Ms. Kidmanesque found me thru my featured personal. She seemed very straightforward and is an animal lover. She also had just moved to the city and knows noone here. We chatted on instant messenger, and she asked me out! Man, I like being romanced by women! She’s fairly inexperienced, but very open and kinky fun. I found out during our chatfest that she had lost her virginity (less than a year ago) TO A COUPLE. She’s also openly bi, and searching for a relationship with a woman. I told one of my friends that there were two potential bad endings for this: a. she gets needy and clingy being that she’s young, inexperienced, and new to the city with no other friends (yet) or b. she freaks at what a hussy I am. When we were instant messaging, I referred to someone as my fuck buddy. She said ‘you have a fuck buddy?’ to which I responded, ‘no honey, I have several fuck buddies!’

She met me at my office holding a dozen pink roses. What a sweetheart! Not bad for a 21 year old! I had previously told her of my illness, and tried to bail out of the date but she was having none of that. “I’ll come take care of you!” she insisted. So I let her. On the train home from my office (where I met her), she mentioned being hungry so we stopped at my favorite local bistro. I drank a hit of Theraflu, and suddenly, I felt totally great! We decided to go out for drinks.

This girl can hold her liquor, let me tell you. She drank as much as I did, and quickly. Her glass was always empty! I was attracted to her instantly – she has long very curly hair and really pretty eyes. I wanted to kiss her most of the night, but was trying to hold back, knowing I didn’t want to get her sick. We’d figured out the train schedule so I could send her home to take care of her dog before the last train left, but while we were at the bar she in no uncertain terms, whilst sipping her third long island iced tea, announced, ‘I’m not going to make that train and am staying with you!’

Back at my place we shared the bottle of champagne she had brought and sat on the couch and chatted. We share a lot of common experiences from our childhood and I felt like we were really hitting it off. She must have agreed, as she dove in for a kiss. I tried to hold her back, saying ‘you’re going to be SO mad at me when classes start in a week and you’re sick!’ but she insisted this was worth it.
She has the prettiest little pussy! My god! I could lick it for hours. Oh wait, I did!

Absolutely yummy.
Almost made me forget I’m moving out of my apartment in 36 hours or so! Oh, I didn’t mention that? No energy to now. Suffice it to say I’m moving back to NH. As excited as I am to spend time with my family and godson, I’m not looking forward to the reduction in a. social life and b. ass.

Sigh.

Oh, did I also mention I haven’t even begun to start packing yet?

Help me.

Oh yeah, and she did banter about a few clingy little statements. “see, now you can’t move away from this” and “no, I’m serious, you should just come move in with me, I have plenty of room at my place!”

Q: What does a lesbian bring on her second date?
A: A uhaul.

the ex files.

So last night I think I may have made a terrible mistake.

I opened the exfiles. Well, he opened them, but I let him. Here’s the things he said yesterday, on instant messenger, directly related to the events of the evening.

nofan: Hey sugar
nofan: Miss u
nofan: I'm a mess today
ericaherself: whats going on, tired one?
nofan: Dunno, I'm kinda sad
nofan: And tired
ericaherself: what about?
nofan: Not happy with girlfriend recently
ericaherself: how come?
ericaherself: or do you not want to talk about it?
ericaherself: or do you want to talk about it not on the sidekick?
nofan: Dunno, just not thrilled about the sex life
nofan: Not getting better, Losing interest
ericaherself: thats too bad, im sorry.
nofan: Bored
nofan: Sad
nofan: Miss u
nofan: I want to break up with girlfriend I think
ericaherself: just for the sex?
nofan: Mostly
nofan: And her lack of decisions about plans
ericaherself: hahaha.
ericaherself: sorry, that sounds like me.
nofan: Like u
nofan: Laugh it up
nofan: Ya
ericaherself: heh. you didnt break up with me over it
ericaherself: but i guess our sex was better..
nofan: I'm like half in love, If that, With u it was fire
ericaherself: i remember it well.
nofan: I'm forgetting
ericaherself: that might be better. you seem to remember when you're with me tho.
nofan: I try to forget, But its not successful often
nofan: How should I do this?
ericaherself: how should you do what? break up with the girlfriend?? there’s no way in hell I'm qualified to answer that question
ericaherself: i need a good fucking.
nofan: You evil bitch
ericaherself: sorry, i tell it like it is
nofan: No one fucks you like I do
nofan: I have such a hardon, you evil evil girl
nofan: Devil woman
ericaherself: well, is it really my fault i know how to get you off better than anyone else?
nofan: I love you more than anything, and I can't get over it Even when I try to be cold It makes it worse
nofan: So what ru up to tonight?
ericaherself: I didn’t get in until noon today, so I have to wait around here till everyone important is gone, then gym, then home. (to wait for you ;) )
ericaherself: or you could just pick me up at the gym
nofan: hah
nofan: Meanie
ericaherself: you think?
nofan: U didn't even respond to my comments
ericaherself: i dont know what to say. I love you too. Immensely. I hate being without you. but I'm not sure if any of the things that drove us apart have changed.
nofan: True
nofan: I'm crying
nofan: I have to go
ericaherself: you don’t have to
nofan: Yeah, I can't talk anymore now
ericaherself: sigh.
ericaherself: ok.
ericaherself: but i don’t think we helped anything.
nofan: Well u made me cry at least
ericaherself: that wasn't my intention. i just want to figure this stuff out too
ericaherself: my heart is missing a big huge piece and nothing i do fills it.
nofan: Me too
nofan: Big time
nofan: Except puffy bird
nofan: She helps
ericaherself: i know.
ericaherself: it was so hard for me to leave them the other day
ericaherself: i felt like such an ass crying
nofan: Its ok baby
ericaherself: i dont know what the hell we're supposed to do, baby.
nofan: Nor do i
ericaherself: yeah.
ericaherself: sigh.
nofan: I'm off
nofan: Thanks for confusing me more about the girlfriend ;)
ericaherself: i did no such thing
ericaherself: so, when are you picking me up?
ericaherself: ;)
nofan: Cant
nofan: I'm in bad shape right now
ericaherself: im kidding. You're right. we just fuck things up worse trying to do things.
nofan: Fuck things up?
ericaherself: well, when you fool around with me it doesn’t help your brain
ericaherself: and apparently you can’t not fool around with me
ericaherself: (im not sure if i can or not)
nofan: How do we fuck things up?
nofan: I wish u were here in bed with me
nofan: Sure it does
nofan: It makes me not settle for second best
nofan: True
nofan: You are like my crack
nofan: You melt me
ericaherself: There is something between us that I'm 99% sure will always be there.
ericaherself: I need you in ways I don’t know or understand.
nofan: Cool then I'm pretty much fucked
nofan: I agree with u
ericaherself: i just don't even know what we should do or try to do
ericaherself: you know?
nofan: Got me
nofan: Kinda
nofan: I don't fucking know
nofan: I want to disappear
ericaherself: disappear?
ericaherself: from what?
nofan: This shit
nofan: Bye
ericaherself: honey
ericaherself: running away abruptly like that isn’t helpful to anyone
nofan: I need to go
nofan: Its bad
nofan: Love you
nofan: Always
ericaherself: love you too.
ericaherself: always.
ericaherself: immensely
nofan: I need you
ericaherself: i wish i could give you what you need.
nofan: You do, I just try not to let you for some reason
ericaherself: you mean sex?
ericaherself: i don’t think that’s really what you need.
nofan: No I mean your love
nofan: Our love
ericaherself: yeah, well i'm not totally offering that up either.
ericaherself: im holding onto it and cherishing it and thinking about it (probably way too much) but I'm also kind of stuffing it back
ericaherself: i don’t want to complicate things
nofan: Ok I go
ericaherself: you keep saying that
ericaherself: you mean it this time? ;)
nofan: Yer mean
ericaherself: im trying not to be baby.
ericaherself: I love you.
Session Close (nofan): Wed Aug 18 19:47:42 2004

3 hours later he called me to chat. He kept saying he wanted to come by, and I kept loosing the hints and not going with them. We said goodnight, hung up, then he called back and said he really wanted to come over. I acquiesced.

And you know what? It was fucking spectacular. All of it. Just hanging out and talking, cuddling on the couch, the vibe… I even felt that melting into him thing I haven’t had in years. And the sex? Out of this world. I kept saying, ‘wow, that was incredible sex!’ and he would correct me, ‘that wasn’t sex, that was love.’

I’m pretty fucked up about it right now. I know that all od the things that drove us apart are still there. I know that he’s still not really my type, nor am I his. I know I still want children and he dosen’t. I know I’ll never be good enough or motivated enough in my career for him…
But the sheer familiarity. And that Love.
I have some serious thinking to do. Good thing I’m off for the weekend to NH. And have a date with the widower to remind me of all of my other options.

Good afternoon, blogland.

Ok, so Laura can't have all the single well written fun!

I guess it only takes about 20 people telling me, ‘erica, you should have your own TV show/write a book/start a blog, your life is so amusing!’ and then I'll listen.
Glad I can be a source of amusement to you all! So I guess I'll just jump right in and tell you about my last night.

I spent last weekend at the last Phish show ever in coventry, VT. I embarked upon this trip unexpectedly, after answering an ad on craigslist for a travelling companion. Thursday I wrote this dude a GREAT essay all about how I should be his company for the traffic and ride to the phish phestival. I didn't hear back thursday night or friday morning, so I assumed he'd found someone else. NOT SO! I found out at 6:00 pm that i was invited, and decided to say WHAT THE HELL (that's a common theme in my life, actually) and go. I packed my camping stuff and took off.

It actually went very well. He was a swell guy - decent looking, super intelligent, the sarcastic sense of humor I love so much... We were lucky the whole way – catching the supermarket moments before it closed, winding up in the least of all of the traffic.

On Sunday, after finally getting some sleep I decided it was time to commence to drinking. There was a vendor on shakedown street selling ‘strong island iced teas’ – 5 dixie cups full of bottom shelf booze, a splash of sour and a splash of coke. I think I had 4 or 5. Then, while walking around a very cute and nice boy approached me asking if I’d like to buy a bottle of parrot bay rum. It was the smaller bottle, and the price was reasonable (for the venue) so I snapped it up. Then drank most of it.

Holy shit, was I ever hammered. My companion and I met up with my friend, Mr. Livemusicfreak, who was also at the show and went in for the concert. While I was dancing around on a tarp out of my gourd drunken, a cute little hippie chick came up to me and pretty much fed me a xanax. “here,” she said – “you look so happy and like you’re having so much fun, I want you to have this.” I’d swallowed it already before I remembered how much booze I had in my system. Then we walked up to the portapotties together and she kissed me. Oh yeah, and informed me she was only 18. Go me! I lost her in the crowd shortly thereafter, but she was hella cute and made my night.

Alls well that ends well, except, I lost my purse somewhere. So I thought. Turns out tho, I had only left it at Mr. LiveMusicFreak’s campsite, but since we’d already left before I figured it out, and they were stuck in traffic at the venue until 6 hours after my newfound friend and I got home, I didn’t have keys/wallet/cellphone. They aren’t due into boston until almost 2am, so I figure I’ll meet up with him the next day and just find somewhere to crash for the night.
I popped into my office to shower off 10 lbs of cow pasture mud, and finally found a place to crash. After the best sleep of my life and a wakeup spanksession (more to come on this), I meandered into work, only to find NEW HELL for my day.

Way back in the day, before NoFan (my exboyfriend whom I dated for almost 4 years) I had placed a personals ad on http://www.nerve.com. I’d answered all of the questions truthfully and promptly forgotten about it. Last week, a potential date had shown me his profile and I noticed I had one up also. I logged in to check my messages (I had none, even after 4 years!) and thought nothing more of it.

Well, apparently nerve, the onion, and a few other personals sites share their databases. In my case with that of our local paper - Where everyone in my office has their ie homepage set. Somehow I’ve been chosen as the ‘featured personal’ and my picture is on the front page of the website.

I walked into the office (late, like usual) and my receptionist says ‘erica, nice picture on boston.com!’ I assumed it was from the concert or something, and ran to my office to check it out. Imagine my embarrassment. Well, at least now my office knows all about my sexual orientation, toy proclivity and redhead fetish.

Of course, the Widower also saw the featured personal. Even tho we had recently officially declared each other free agents and not been speaking for a while, he’d seen my photo and would be in town for the evening, could I possibly meet him for dinner and…

To tell you the truth I would have LOVED to, however, I already had plans to meet Mr. LiveMusicFreak for my keys and a romp. I told him to try giving me a call but I wasn’t hopefull.

I get to Mr. LiveMusicFreak’s apartment and he pretty much tosses me on the bed and says ‘do you mind if I ravage you? I’m really horny. Oh, and I’m not going to be able to stay with you tonight, I need to do some stuff around the house.” Cool I say, and we get down to it. I’m not sure if I was superhorny, or if I’d forgotten his proficiency, but he had me off in RECORD time and feeling great about it! We went out for dinner.

The battery on my cell phone was dead, so imagine my surprise when I check my voicemail to hear the widower saying “hey kitten, I’m almost at your apartment, give me a call, I’d love to see you.” Next thing I know, I’ve warned Mr. LiveMusicFreak that there’s an incoming boy, and we’re meeting him out for a beer.

The boys actually hit it off pretty well, and it was very amusing for me to watch them do the manly thing. Not too much posturing. And in the back of their minds, I think they both knew what was going on!

It was very funny when the widower ran to the restroom for a moment and Mr. LMF said to me, 'erica, it's pretty wierd to be bonding with one of your boyfriends!'. Welcome to my world, boy. Welcome to my world.

The widower and I headed home. While he parked the car, I washed up as quickly and efficiently as I could. Man, I certainly don’t enjoy giving someone sloppy seconds, or even seconds at all, but I saw no alternative!
We had some mediocre sex, and then my favorite – naked talk. We spent about an hour and a half, naked bodies entwined, chitchatting. It was very good. Makes me miss him somewhat.

Came into work today to an email from him telling me he’d been missing me and hadn’t realized how much until he saw me again. And a request for plans for the weekend.

I’m planning on it.

SO now it’s off to the gym, and to head home to settle and clean. I’m keeping my fingers crossed ascotw feels like stopping by drunk after karaoke. Keep your fingers crossed for me, ok?
More later.