new nicknames and freshlyfucked smiles

So, I wound up hanging out with FreakyFuckFoul the other night. Thanks for all the votes, but in true Erica fashion, I didn’t listen to any of you!
We watched my redsox whoop some cardinal ass, and had a generally great time. I think I need to come up with a new nickname for him, because as I spend more time with him the fuckfoul part keeps fading further and further into the background.
We had a few drinks, and I SOAKED his recliner. Literally, it was like a puddle under me. He’s so good with his hands and his toys! Then I spent the night in his bed with him snuggling me the whole night. *swoon* I really REALLY like having someone to cuddle me.
Then my redsox won the series, and yesterday I decided to go and have my NH lisence photo taken. I called him on the way into town.
“hey there. What are you up to this afternoon? I don’t have long, but want to help make sure I look all freshly fucked and smiley when I get my driver’s license picture taken?”
Of course he did.
He got me off AGAIN like gangbusters. Seriously. And I didn’t even touch him. I’m starting to feel like a GratitousHead beneficiary.
And I look pretty fucking goofy in my license photo. Stupid ass smile and all. But for the next 4 years every time I look at it, I’ll remember that about 20 minutes before I got that picture taken I was squirting my brains out on FuckFoul’s bed.

Ahhh, memories.

FOUL MOOD! WIDOWER -1!

So once, long ago when the widower and I started dating, we tried monogamy. It just didn't work out. He was still (in fact, is still) working through a lot of the pain and agony of loosing his wife, and we really rushed into things. After many starts, stops, freakouts, restarts, and general pain, we decided the best plan would be to consider ourselves free agents and move about our business.

Except we still really dig each other.

It's strange. I don't mind being fuckbuddies, not at all. Even though the fucking isn't all that great most generally - I really enjoy the buddy part. He's such a charming, charismatic and intelligent man. He's tall and dark and very handsome. He's established in his career and life, and enjoys good times and fine friends. He has lots of toys and knows how to enjoy himself. He calls me kitten. It's most adorable.

And I would love to hang out with him and support him and have him support me as he moves more towards being ready for a relationship. I'd LOVE to be that relationship. But I'm trying not to force it.

So we exist in this weird sort of limmerance. He's fucking other people; I'm fucking other people. He doesn’t want to hear about it, and we have occasional discussions where he jokes with me about 'being faithful to him' but my answer is always this:

Well, Widower - if you don't pet the kitten, she's not going to stay on the porch.

And for me, this is fairly significant. He’s pretty much the ONLY person in rotation right now I would consider monogamy with. I just so happen to like his porch.

We had plans last Saturday night. He cancelled them with a decent amount of notice because he had been invited to a redsox game. He’s going through a bunch of shit with his work life right now, trying to sell his company and get another round of funding and all of this shit, and somehow, someone who was a major player invited him to the game.

As I typed that paragraph I had to seriously hold myself back from using the words allegedly, supposedly and he said. He’s given me no reason to distrust him so far, other than being a salesman and powerful business executive by trade. He’s told me that in business sometimes you lie and do unscrupulous things, but the ends justify the means. But he says that’s not the case in personal relationships and he’s NOT doing that with me. I’m choosing to believe him, but it’s a constant battle. I think the doubts are (until he proves me otherwise) my fault and my issue… but they tend to make me more bitchy than I mean to be.

So, to reschedule from Saturday, we had planned dinner today. We even confirmed this last night. Then this morning, I get a voicemail saying he has a meeting in Boston at 5, and dosen’t want me sitting in his driveway waiting for him and can we reschedule. I call him back, and somewhat tightlippedly tell him ‘I have plans every other night this week’ and he hears the frustration in my voice.
I’m sorry, I can’t help it. Before the transition to unmonogamy, his canceling our plans together was a HUGE thorn in my side. It happened all the time, and seriously frustrated me. I even guilted him into sending me flowers at work once after a particularly thoughtless exhibition. And now it’s starting again.

I realize he has his business. I realize this is a crunch time. It just dosen’t help me be any less horny or needing him.

So, here are our emails from today.

**********************************
Sent: Tuesday, October 26, 2004 10:25 AM
Subject: that sound in my voice

was pure unadulterated sexual frustration.

I’m all shaved and powdered and lotioned and wearing a G string and


FUCKING HORNY.

Ahem.

Sorry.

Good luck with shit. I don’t mean to be a burden. I’m just feeling like my needs aren’t being met.

I’m looking forward to dinner on Sunday. And possibly seeing you Friday night.

I wish the kitty didn’t have to wander off the porch.

~e
*************

His response:

*************
Sent: Tuesday, October 26, 2004 10:58 AM
To: Erica
Subject: Re: that sound in my voice

Kitten:

I am sorry that you are sexually frustrated, please save it for me, don't go off the porch!!

Things sometimes get fucked up and I need to attend to them. You are not a burden and I am sorry to screw up things for tonight.

Things always take 50 times longer than you think, it is part of growing up and maturing.

I am really looking forward to celebrating your birthday on Sunday, you pick the place, I was thinking an early dinner, maybe 5:00 PM and then a nice overnight at my house. :) It should be great!

I am planning to do my best for Friday, though I might be headed to NYC to meet an investor from Baltimore. My company is close to the edge of oblivion and I need to be sure that it does not go over.

Thinking of you and looking forward to seeing you.

****************

I just never know what to think. And I seriously don’t know what to do about the whole horny and ready thing! So here’s my response.

*******
Hey hotstuff

It may not seem like it, but I do understand that you are in a stressful crunch time right now and have things you have to attend to which aren’t necessarily working out as you had planned.

I’m just concerned that things are falling into old patterns again. I can rationally know and believe that it’s ok, and your company and business HAVE to come first, I’m just worried to set the ‘hey don’t worry about me, I’ll bend for you’ precedent. I think it would be a different story if I got to see you more often, but when it’s once a week and our last meeting was also cancelled; I can’t help but react poorly.

I guess I just need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. Maybe whip out the vibrator drawer or something.

And I don’t want to go off the porch. I think I’ve made it clear what I’d like in the end, but what I’m not PUSHING for. I think my exact phrase was ‘say the word, widower. Say the word.’

Just so you know.

Let me revise that. Say the word, and let me know you’re saying the word!

I don’t know where we should go Sunday, will you pick and surprise me? Somewhere yummy and good, ok? And I’d love to get slightly dressed up, if at all possible. You know how I am.

Anyway, good luck today. Would you please get this shit done so I can stop missing you?
**********

Am i being reasonable? Am I coming across as truly conflicted as I am? I want to be cool, i want to be hip, i want to be supportive and understanding, i just don't want to be FUCKED. (whelp not that way anyway)

I guess I’ll just sit here in my gstring and marinade in my own juices.

FreakyFuckFoul has invited me to sneak over tonight after his kid goes to sleep, but I’m just not down for that, nor his alternate suggestion of just showing up in a skirt and letting him get me off on the porch.

NoFan was supposed to be taking me out for dinner tomorrow for my upcoming birthday and asked if I’d like to drive to see him tonight instead. I don’t think I do. Maybe I should just go home and chill. Or maybe I should post an ad and meet someone new and different.

Vote by comment please!

xoxoxox
~erica

"there are no words for you, erica."

heh. Heh heh heh

heh heh heh. Oh, sorry. I'm just amazingly amused with myself. It's just been parties leading up to my birthday, so I'm allowed to get a little crazy. Oh wait- I need an excuse?!?!?

Friday night I went to a party at ascotw's. A costume party of course. I was informed early on that our 'involvement' would need to stay under wraps, as his ex as well as any number of potential ass he was gunning for would also be in attendance.

So what did i do? I brought my own ass. Um, two of them. PsychoSappho had been pretty much BEGGING me for the puss for the last week or so. I gave her a little taste about 3 weeks ago, and she’s been on my jock like white on rice ever since. She came to the party as a hottie goth girl. Long curly perfect hair, dark black makeup, bigass parachute pants, a black tshirt, and um, I think a black trenchcoat. Much of the night she kept asking if I would go home with her, and kissing me. Tough! Being ‘time of the month’ and all, plus having a chance for a spanking, I sent her about her business.

I reached deep into the past to invite MissClaws. That’s a funny story all of its own. About a year ago now, I made recontact with one of my favorite fucks from college, Shrinkboy. He needs an entry all of his own, but what I’ll say here is he hooked me up with MissClaws.

MissClaws is loud and completely sexually charged, and mean, and sarcastic and dark and brooding. She’s TALL – 5’9”+ and has short black hair and really great eyes. And a WONDERFUL body. She also really digs me. She mentioned this weekend about how with some people you just have this CRAZY sexual connection – like you look into their eyes and just want to BED them. She feels this for me! For some reason, it took us nearly 8 months to actually hook up. And she had her boytoy along too, so it wasn’t even just us. I went home with my back looking like I'd spent the night making out with edward scissorhands. She is all rough and s&m, and claws and totally gets off on commanding people. JUST MY STYLE.

But, like I mentioned before… time of the month making all these things impossible. Spanking however, is always possible, so I hung my chances that ascotw would need company at the end of the night.

So, MsClaws costume was deadonballs her style. Latex full length gloves, latex thigh highs, a latex bustier, and little black panties. MMMMMM. She had to LUBE UP to get into it. I nearly said SCREW THE PARTY, lets just stay at your house and you can order me around a bit!

We walked into the party and made our rounds. The men followed her from room to room. She tested it a few times – pulling me into the living room from the kitchen, saying quietly “watch this – 5, 4, 3, 2” and BANG around the corner would come 5 or 6 guys.
Finally we bumped into our ever-gracious host, ascotw. He was drunk and gave me a once over. He looked me up and down, looked MissClaws up and down, captured my eyes, shook his said and said ‘There are no words for you. Thank you for bringing a lesbian domantrix to my party!’

You’re welcome, ASCOTW. You’re Welcome.

Another favorite moment came around midnight (at pinata time!). I was sufficiently liquoured up because I had taken it upon myself to distribute some jello shots. Problem was, I was walking around giving them to people (often from my mouth) and almost everytime I fed someone one, I ate one myself.

I tried to make MsClaws a drink, and managed to spill some on the floor. Next thing I knew, she was snapping at the floor, pointing, and pushing me down to clean it up. She commanded just the way she wanted me to do it...

"ass up, erica. Wipe that messy spill up you dumb slut." Then, as I was down there, she took her right foot, placed it between my shoulderblades and pushed me down to the floor. We had a crowd of a good 10 people all watching in awe. The moment was ruined however, by ASCOTW walking thru and trying to rally the troops for the pinata.
"Could you guys put the Domme/sub routine on hold for a while, we have a pinata to swat!"
Not nearly as much fun, if you ask me!

And, no, I didn’t get any girl ass. I gave a pretty stellar blowjob tho. Yum. He’s still on the hook for one of those shaking shuddering crazy orgasms he gives me tho. Yup, I’m keeping score again!

Uh - Oh.

I spent last night with FreakyFuckFoul. I had a very VERY good time.
We had an excellent dinner and a few drinks, and then he invited me back to his place, which I hadn't yet seen. Much better than many of the bachelor pads i've been to in my life, although I guess that's to be expected when there is a kid involved (he has a son whom he seems to care about and love very much).
We had amazing PERIOD fuckfun. Earlier in the week i mentioned that the REDTIDE was in, and he asked if he could play in it, saying he'd never tried that.
So we did. He fisted me, and got me off. All hot and all over the towels we laid down on the couch. YUM YUM YUM.
He kept saying 'it's so hot with my hand inside you, I don't care if we never fuck, I just LOVE watching your eyes roll back in the back of your head while you spray me!'
Good thing too, since I didn't wind up getting him off last night AGAIN. I did suck his cock a bunch, and at his request, I fisted his ass. I've NEVER done that before. It was really very sexy and felt very cool. It made me a little bit squeamish - the whole ass/shit thing, but the lights were out. Heh. But overall, I really enjoyed it - maybe as an occasional treat.
The uh-oh is that in a moment of drunken sharingness, I told him about this blog and said he could read it. So now he is.
That concerns me slightly. I've made him promise he can't hold anything he reads here against me and told him it's a big privledge, because no one else I know reads this (with very few exceptions). I just hope I don't censor myself, or feel uncomfortable talking about things with him, or any of my other exploits.

Ok, i should do some work.

This weekend I was supposed to cook dinner for the widower on Saturday, but the bum got tickets to game 1 of the world series. HE DOSEN'T EVEN LIKE BASEBALL! JERK!

So I'm trying to make fun debaucherous plans with GH for Saturday night. Who knows.

Talk to you all later!

Im not dead, just not getting any.

Let's see - Nothings shaking.

Had some non-stellar sex with the widower last week, but some really great cuddling. Again, I'm thinking, can I live without the freaky mindnumbing sex for the guy who will give me everything else I want?

Had a date with the ascotw tonight, but since my redsox pulled another game out of their ass, he'll be there, instead of his rightful place spanking my fanny.

Since my sexlife is seriously lacking, I've decided to share with you his latest exploits. See, there's a few things you should know about him.
1. he has more friends than i have fuckbuddies. Many of them got married this summer. Since I've started hanging out with him he's been to 4 weddings. Two weddings ago, he was the flowergirl. no really. He had a purple sash with FLOWERGIRL printed on it. I text messaged him late in the night to find out if he was getting requisite wedding ass. His response - there's no ass for me here, I'm the flowergirl. I tongue-in-cheek said 'well then, I guess that predisposes you for the ringbearer' and got back 'the ringbearer is a dog. No, literally.'
2. He's a HARDCORE redsox fan. Has season tickets, is pretty much as rampant as they come.
3. He dosen't fuck. No really. No intercourse. He saves that for someone he's in love with. I manage to be satisfied without the manmeat insertion because I LOVE the way he makes my body feel. Tingly and desired and hot and bothered, and GOOD.

So, keep those things in mind, and then enjoy the latest update on his fucklife.

****
oh yes, didn't get to tell you...yes, wedding ass. i finished the summer leg of the ascotw "I am a FIREMAN" Tour 2004 going 3 for 4, just a home run shy of hitting for the cycle. But, as we know, I'm not a homerun hitter, more of a contact/gap hitter who usually streaches doubles into triples. she was a yankee's fan though, i almost wanted to fuck her just for that reason alone.
****

I should really get some ass soon, so I can fill you in on my exploits. I don't see it in the near future however, it being 'that time of the fucking month' for me. Of course FreakMan FuckFoul says he wants to play in the red tide. I think that's just a bit messy for me.

Maybe if the sox aren't going to make it to the series, I'll have an ass spanking update. Who knows.

I'm withering away here, folks. Send batteries.

BWAHAHAHAH

Officially funniest link to me ever.

googled the terms 'finished in my mouth'

BWAHAHAHHA..

http://www.google.com/search?q=%22finished+in+my+mouth%22&hl=en&lr=&safe=off&start=10&sa=N

Bwahahahahaha.

oh yeah

anyone know how I can find out what people are googling to find me? I see recent referrers, and google comes up, but I want to know the search terms used.

Thanks! :)

Lots of Nothin.

Hello there!

So, I accepted that job I had posted about and started it. It's been pretty good so far - good people, decently interesting. I enjoy it. Of course it makes me a little busy - and tired. I REALLY hate getting up in the morning. But the bank account likes it. OR will on the 15th.
I ended up not being able to wrangle an extra week of vacation - two weeks is all they'll give me! But he put me on some accerated accumulation schedule that will give me an extra day per year of employment. The usual is 2 weeks for 5 years, then 3 weeks, so this will get me there at the same time, but with a little bone more each year. And they gave me 2k more than initially offered, so horray for me.
Now i need to find an apartment.

So, pretty much unintentionally I've been 'faithful' to fuckfoul. Just really haven't had an opportunity. I was supposed to hang with the widow recently, but his life has been crazy. He's trying to sell his interest in the company he founded, (um hello 5 million dollars) and having some trouble. Plus today was his dead wife's birthday. She always said to remember her on her birthday, so he had a memorial service for her today. He's a wreck. But he called me and told me about how he felt and we had a good discussion. I like him. I think his little type a things and regimented lifestyle would be good for me. Again, we'll see.

Also stopped in to visit NoFan on the way home. Had to pick up my mail and visited with my parrots. He wants me, BAD. He told me all about lots of crazy sex he had friday night, then informed me that I still gave the greatest head. Ever chance I could, I brought up the unrequited orgasm and tried to make him feel bad. I don't think it worked. So he offered to go down on me, and we made out some, but I left him wanting. It's his turn. Anyway, I need sleep. Softball game tomorrow and my first full week of work. Just wanted to say hi, i'm still alive!

I'm soon to be employed!

Got that job offer I've been waiting for today. This is a good thing. Only thing that has me in turmoil is the fact that I also spent the morning interviewing (practical) at a vetrinary office. That is a job I would absolutely love. But, its only 10/an hour, and I'm pretty sure I can't live with that. Especially since I have to move out of my cousin's apartment, or at least have to to keep my sanity (THANKS COUSIN'S JERKY HUSBAND!)
Anyway, I think I am going to try and negotiate a bit more $ or a bit more vacation out of this deal. But now I must sleep.

Fucking-Foul. For Sure.

Hey there. Last night, I was most DEFINATELY the victim of a fucking foul. Kinkyass and I were fucking like gangbusters. I'm talking all out, called me during the day and said he had the night free after poker, and asked if I might be available.
"Of course," I said.
He showed up, shitfaced, around 9:00 pm. He had a viagra in his pocket, and kept threatening to take it, which amused me to no end, as every time we've gotten together he's been hard for hours and could barely get off. He tells me he jerks it 3 times most days. To completion! Good lord!
We laid on the bed and cuddled for a while, watching some comedy special he brought over on DVD. He kept complimenting me - telling me, "you know, you have it all! Looks, brains, and you're fucking KINKY! It's so awesome. I could really get used to you!"
I'm somewhat amused by all of this. He keeps mentioning things along these lines, and finally gets down to asking what I felt him pussyfooting around all night. "Erica, do you want to be my girlfriend? Like, just you and me, me and you?"
I try to explain to him that now is just not the point in my life for that. I need to find a job, get settled, all that fucking shit. And make sure I'm good with me, before I become part of a couple (albeit a kinky, always fucking couple!). He seems to get it, although he looks all dejected for a while. He says he understands.
Fast forward. to the good part.
First he tells me he's going to fist me. He did this the last time we hung out, and made me squirt. He's telling me all about how hot it made him, and how many times he's jerked off thinking about it. He puts his face to mine, grabs me by the neck and commands, "stick out your tongue." I do, and he sucks it into his mouth roughly, nibbling it, and squeezing his hands on my neck. He throws me down to the bed.
Lots of lube later, he's wrist deep in me, I'm moaning and trying very hard to come, but ITS JUST NOT HAPPENING. Sometimes this occurs. I'm not sure what it is with me, but sometimes i'm just not going to come, no matter what. I decide to take control of the situation, and start begging him to suck his cock.
"WAIT," he says, "I want you to suck my balls. Lay back on the bed and open your mouth." He dips his balls onto my face and into my mouth, and starts acting like a drill seargent from somewhere up above my face. "SUCK THEM BOTH INTO YOUR MOUTH! PULL ON THEM! Yank them. Come on erica, abuse them like they're yours. They are yours... be rough with them!" I want to tell him that if i had balls of my own, I would probably want to be gentle with them, but my mouth is full.
Next thing I know, he has me pinned to the bed, and is choking me while he sucks my nipples. He reaches down, and rubs my pussy. He's holding the lips apart, so my clit and inner lips are sticking out, and hes SMACKING it. He alternates smacking it with rubbing it, and oddly enough, I'm enjoying it.
Then he drops the foul.
"Look at that pussy... what a beautiful pussy. That pussy is mine. Erica, I want this pussy to be all mine. This is my pussy." SMACK. "tell me this is my pussy!" SMACK. "Tell me no other man will touch this pussy" SMACK!
I'm insane with desire and pleasure. I'm writhing all over the bed, and have one moment of lucidity where I flash back to the sex in the city episode where charlotte asks harry if the jewish thing really matters just as he's about to come. He says no, probably just to get off, and the next morning she's beside herself when he tries to explain how that's just not fair. Then I get back into it, and hear myself saying 'Yes, That's your pussy! Yeah, no one but you will touch it. Do whatever you want to your pussy!'

I really hope he realizes he can't hold me to it.

I mean, he's a decent guy. But he's WAY too rough, even for me. And way too horny! And besides that, I've spent maybe a sum total of 2 hours with him when we weren't fucking, and 1.5 of that was as a passenger on the back of his motorcycle. I pretty much have NO IDEA what his personality is, besides HORNY.

But I guess I'm going to behave until I can talk to him about it. I mean, I guess I gave my word, right? Even if it was a begging for orgasm, clit spanking scream?